I'm waiting 'til marriage

Hey, what’s up? My name is Gioconda and I’m a virgin.

Anybody got any guesses when it became so taboo to say this?

A lot of people like to challenge me on this particular topic so I’d like to share my voice. Who knows? Maybe some young girl will find this useful.

First of all, I know what you’re all thinking. Sure, I grew up Catholic but I don’t go to church every Sunday. I’m not this perfect little Catholic girl. In fact, I rebelled and stayed away from religion for a while after my dad passed and parents divorced. Typical teenage angst. God and why “everything happens for a reason” didn’t make sense to me. Now I’m finally letting religion back in my life, little by little, because I crave answers like the rest of us do, and religion is the most “comforting” for me personally. For everyone, including myself, the “faith journey” has been a bumpy ride. I consider myself more SPIRITUAL. I see God in the sunset, in the intricacies of the human brain and human anatomy I find hard to be “coincidence,” in my friends, the ocean, the beautiful mountains in Colorado, etc. but BOTTOM LINE, this whole “staying a virgin until marriage” thing doesn’t come from the religion I grew up with. I just wanted you to get a sense of my religious background, or lack thereof. I was reluctant to going back to it for all the agnostic reasons possible. There are a lot of things I disagree with about Catholicism actually. So let me make myself perfectly clear: I make the conscious, religiously unbiased decision to WAIT to have sex because I DO NOT THINK I AM MENTALLY READY, AT 24 YEARS OLD. I don’t have any embarrassment in saying this because I also think it’s very smart to be a virgin in this day in age with so many STD’s, unwanted pregnancies and confused men and women WITHOUT good foundations for the decisions they make. MAINLY, I am thinking about my future as a doctor, which means so much to me, that I am not at liberty to jeopardize it. Also, let’s get one semi-comical sidenote clear, and this is probably the best declaration out of this whole speech – I’m no “loser.” Please, you have no idea how much sass is in my body and how much of a “party animal” I am. I’m DEFINITELY enjoying my youth - just simultaneously trying to be my idea of responsible, which is a higher standard than most people, I’ll give you that.

To all those rolling their eyes at the “innocent girl that clearly doesn’t know a thing or two about sex because she’s never had it” - to each, their own. Our differences are what make us unique, and unique, in my opinion, is synonymous with beauty, as there are carbon copies of certain individuals walking around nowadays. Succumbing to conformation is, unfortunately, “trendy.”

The only substantial problem I have is, now, being a virgin isn’t “COOL.” “Wow how cool! She is disciplined, has a healthy self-esteem and sticks to what she believes in!” said NO ONE…maybe some Amish. Call me old-fashioned, but our sexual culture is evolving, as evolutionary biology should deem normal.

I’d say the self-discipline it takes to keep my pants on is pretty cool though. You don’t think I am dying to “try it out” and see what all the fuss is about?! You don’t think I have guys kiss me and begging me for more?! You don’t think I MYSELF have urges to just rip someone’s shirt off? Again, PLEASE. I’m just as animalistic as every other human being. There was a while there when I was just about to throw my hands up in the air and say, “FUCK IT! Maybe I am thinking too much about this! I’m going to have sex…wild, animalistic sex with no strings attached! I can handle it!” I’m SO glad I stuck to what I believe in, even though I’m tempted all the damn time, especially since living as a Peace Corps volunteer near the biggest party beach in Peru, where hot as hell men from France, Italy, Uruguay, Brazilians, New Zealand, Australia, etc. flock by the dozen to surf and have a good time. I just got better at controlling my urges. When things get physical with a guy, all I think to myself is, “You want to have a baby with this guy?! ‘CAUSE THAT’S WHAT CAN HAPPEN, GIOCONDA!” Sure I’m harsh on myself, but it’s because these things happen. Do I even have to mention all the STD’s out there? I take my future seriously. Can’t someone find that admirable? (Obviously I’ve also taken into consideration, before writing this, that I’m not exactly in the “husband gold mine” environment, but there is still a valid point in all this regardless of this piece’s trigger.)

This also has a lot to do with the self-respect I have for myself. I have accomplished many things in life, I’m a smart girl and I know I’m beautiful. (That also shouldn’t be taboo to say.) I’m one of those big, bad “strong women.” One day, I will be SOMEBODY’S strong woman though. I am coming from a place of purity and honesty. I’m riding on this wave – a hope that a man as honest, moral and disciplined as I am does exist. These qualities in a person predict a lot about what they do and WILL DO with their lives –career, family, etc. You attract the same kind of caliber of person you are.

Lately, when I talk to a guy, and I can tell we’ve had too many drinks and things are going south, I always tell them what I am and who I believe in. Most of the time, TO MY PLEASANT SURPRISE, a guy isn’t put off by it, but there’s always some sort of backlash and suspicious questioning. I just like to be honest, simple as that. I don’t mean to intimidate anyone. When I finally tell a man this, and he respects it, and asks me the RIGHT QUESTIONS, I’ll know he is a man of morals and may potentially deserve me, because let’s be honest – there’s an abundance of men that don’t care about sex anymore. It’s mainly for pleasure. The meaning is lost a lot of the time. Sex can be fun, but whether we like to pay attention to it or not, it messes with people’s heads. People inevitably get attached because of biological messages in our bodies. Blah, blah, blah, you all know this already, BUT hear me out: people like to suppress these feelings, and then that’s when shit hits the fan. Girl gets confused. Boy loses interest. Girl’s self-esteem drops, along with a part of herself. Boy thinks it’s normal behavior and that girl is crazy emotional “or something.” Sex to have sex is usually a downward spiral, if you can’t handle it correctly. I also like preventing this potentially damaging downward spiral. A person who can “handle friends with benefits sex” correctly generally has a healthy self-esteem. Most of us, whether we like to admit it or not, do not have a healthy self-esteem or are in limbo of feeling good about ourselves, as rejection gets to most of us sensitive souls, AND fun fact: rejection happens often in life!

In my opinion, sex is sacred and it should be referred to as “making love.” It is a beautiful union of two people. The more love there is, the better the sexual relationship, right? That’s what everyone who’s found “the one” says. Apart from not being mentally ready, I also like to think of my virginity as my gift to the man that I have waited so long to be vulnerable enough with and it will tell him, “I’ve already been thinking about you before I met you and putting your happiness before mine.” That is my idea of a MATURE type of love bond that only gets better with age, because you have both agreed to face life TOGETHER. I will be able to trust him with my heart, which is kind of a big deal! When we fall in love, we open ourselves up in unimaginable ways. The other person’s happiness comes before yours. You sacrifice, compromise and support. It’s not about JUST YOU, YOURSELF AND YOU anymore; there’s another person in the picture that you have to think about before making decisions, because if you really, deeply care about someone, you want your life to help theirs. You want to follow in their footsteps. You’ve realized you can’t live without them. It’s really something special when two people bond like this. The sex is just a small part of the equation. More importantly, you have to find the other puzzle pieces to make sure you take care of your heart.

I’m not saying EVERYONE should be a virgin until marriage, because obviously we are all different, and I love our differences! I’m probably the least judgmental person you’ll ever meet, as I firmly believe people do things for reasons we MUST RESPECT, because IT IS THEIR LIFE, NOT MINE, PERIOD. I simply encourage girls to be more open about saving themselves. Share the dignity you have within yourself to save yourself and be empowered by your self-discipline, painstaking premeditation and undeniable optimistic hope in finding your special someone regardless of how good in bed you are, because you most value the part of you that makes you smart and gives you that wonderful personality!