Found my "Manny"

My best friend, Carolina, has a little brother named Manny, who's fearless. Absolutely fearless, and we always joke that we want to be just like him! Well, here in Oidor, I found my Manny! His name is Arian, Raquel's son. Raquel is the nurse I work with so I see Arian all the time. We went to visit the mangroves of Tumbes and he reminded me so much of Manny in Miami - riding in the very front of the boat and spreading out his arms to feel the wind, putting his hands in the water as the boat went faster, jumping into the water with the biggest smile on his face! He also does the same faces Carolina does. Carolina also hates that for almost every picture, my tongue is out...well Arian picked up on that habit too. Oooooops! Anyways, God works in amazing ways.

Familiar, Car?

Notice the tongue, even though he's just gotten cranky and is in a bad mood, haha - oops.

This is my favorite one

Little dreamer

Him and mom, Raquel

Inspiration ain't a hard thing to find!

“Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words.

Keep your words positive because your words become your behavior. Keep your behavior positive because your behavior becomes your habits.

Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values. Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny.”
Mahatma Gandhi

The day I fed the baby bull

Nazer, in the background, looks so funny. He's one of my fav kids in Oidor! Has such an awesome laugh!

Home is where the heart is!

Home, sweet, home!

Hello crazy messy room

Laundry, anyone?

The street I live on

Parents and brother's rooms

Living room/kitchen

Backyard

Finding family everywhere

As the 24th, Christmas, came and went, I didn't feel like it was Christmas - only in bits and pieces.

Here's a moment I felt the "Christmas spirit":

I decided to go for a walk in the hills around my community, just to get some fresh air. I knew I had to stop sulking and get my act together - my life is good, it's just tough at times. I definitely struggled thinking of my family together and how much I cherish those days. Bad thoughts didn't really cross my mind but I sat with my mom and she said I was "super tranquila" that day. Very chill...too chill, haha. I was being quite, just playing and not fully interacting...when you feel like you're watching your life as a movie and you don't know how to jump in it and take control again. Anyways to get my act together, I like to go outside.

As I walked to this one desolate part of the community, there's a house I had never seen. An old man was swaying happily on his hammock and he invited me to sit with him. He introduced me to his wife, his wife's sisters, daughter and granddaughter, Suzy. They brought me cerujuela's (from the grape family, I don't think I spelled it right and I don't know how to say them in English...I don't know if they exist in the states) and of course, I was given mangoes. He showed me his chacra - ranch - of mango trees, donkey's and goats. He told me about how he's been working with the municipality to get water to reach his area of land so he can have more business. He's been waiting for two years. We talked about what he would do with his family for Christmas. There were no presents, no fancy lights or Christmas trees to be seen. He said they'd be "together." Simple as that. That's the tradition in Peru. I decided to get going on my walk, said goodbye to everyone and thank you for feeding me. I walked off with this bag of fruit and I heard a little girl say, "espera!" Turned around and his granddaughter, Suzy, was after me. She asked if I could come and of course I said let's go.

We walked and talked - conversation came so easy. Suzy's 8 years old. She's very smart. There was no rush or pressure to be anywhere - we were just walking without a destination, wherever the wind takes us - my favorite kind of walks. I loved her company. She told me all about the plants and animals we passed. She told me her favorite subject was religion, because she "gets to think." I found this mind blowing because a lot of kids don't even know what "critical thinking" is. The way classes are conducted in these small rural schools (where teachers aren't paid well, sometimes not the most qualified people) is the teacher writes on the board from a book and the students copy and memorize. There is no stimulation, no discussion. To really learn, you must think things through inside and out. She then told me she wants to be a doctor, she "can't wait to give shots!" ha! Cutie! I told her I wanted to be a doctor too and we bonded over not being disgusted by blood and guts.

She then, out of the blue, says, "How I wish I had a sister like you Gioconda." I crouched down and gave her a big hug and said, "I am your sister." Suzy, welcome to the family! Ha! She lives pretty far and only comes for special occasions, since Peruvians don't travel much - it's expensive, so she said to look for her on Mother's Day. You bet your top dollar I'll be looking, sista Suzy! My new little sister smiled the whole way home and when I walked her home, she told her mom she has a new daughter. The family grows even more. Look what love does. :-)

I love finding family members in people I've just met. Gotta open your heart and let people in. This is when I felt Christmas, letting all that goodness in and realizing the opportunities I have here in Peru.

Cute faces

Jenny, Bianca's best friend

Andy, my brother

Jesus, my little brother's best friend

Yami, my cousin

Catharsis

I can't believe this but the past three nights I've dreamt about my dad, vividly. I wake up in tears but feeling weightless - it makes no sense. I know I'm a little weird for listening to the world in a different way than most but I think you'll get something out of this too. What? I don't know since I'm still trying to figure it out too but here:

The first dream I was a little girl, telling him, verbatim, "Daddy daddy look now I'm a Peace Corps volunteer! I run marathons and graduated college! It was a great day." I remember him saying, repeatedly, "That's good Gioconda, that's very good." He was smiling the whole dream picking me up and throwing me up in the air. Everything was playful.

The second dream, we were sitting on his bed at our old house and I was still a little girl. I was crying badly saying, "I miss saying 'Daddy'." I also made a fuss about forgetting what he smelled like and beginning to forget his laugh and he just held me VERY tight. I woke up in the middle night with this one.

And last night, we were together, I don't remember where, I looked like I do now, and in the dream I was so happy just to be with him in his presence. He again held me tight - my dad was very strong and his hugs would probably hurt anyone else but I loved how hard he squeezed. I told him,, "I love you daddy," and he said, "I love you too, shicoocutz." Butchered that word but it's supposed to be "monkey" in Hungarian - what he'd always call me.


As this year has been full of changes and in my heart, I am deeply confused sometimes, I can't help but think my dad is helping me go through a sort of catharsis. He knows I love seeing him in my dreams and it rarely happens. He's been in my dreams only a handful of times in life and it's seriously the best thing in the world. You can't even begin to imagine how much happiness it gives me to be with him for a bit - no matter what form it happens in. As I turn to my dad as my guardian angel, I always wish I could talk to him once more for his life advice. I am always searching for his clues - it's this endless battle I have with myself that no, he's not here, but I keep listening anyways. With these dreams, I really, with all my heart, think he's trying to tell me not to worry about the future - day by day. There are things we cannot control and life is for enjoying so I shouldn't be afraid. My dad's with me. I believe in his spirit guiding me.

Merry Christmas to you too dad. Catharsis can be a Christmas present too, ya know? :-)

Best friends, Jenny and Bianca

When a child laughs, I feel like the world is all goodness and no badness.

Stars bring out the best in you

Last night I watched the stars with more kids - Helson, his sister (Karen), Jenny, and Vati, and it turned into such a good conversation. We basically gather our piece of crap plastic chairs and go sit in the darkest part of town so we can see ALL the stars and I wait with my eyes fixed on the stars and the kids just make jokes and we laugh and I keep trying to tell them, they can see a shooting star if they just have patience and focus! Also the kids like to fake scare me by pretending there's a spider on me so I scream and run away. I am now desensitized to the feeling of spiders on my body...thank you child population of Oidor.

Anyways Helson ended up asking me for life advice. He likes math and drawing. He is torn between being an engineer and an artist basically, and he's 11 years old. He also wants to be a Peace Corps volunteer. How cute is that?

I listened to EVERYTHING he had to say, just sat there actively listening. He talked for a good 5 minutes then I told him, straight up - he's young, he needs to enjoy his youth. With talent, you also have to practice. When he's older, he'll have practiced enough to know what makes him happy, because what makes you happy is what you should do with your life, always. I explained if you're not happy, you won't be a good husband or father, and it's all about being a good person. Choose the path that makes you a good person. Then I tossed a ball to him and we kicked it around for a bit.

I went to bed thinking, "damn am I really that old that kids are asking me what to do with their lives?"

Helson's a very smart kid. I know when the time has come, he'll make the right decision.

Hammock livin', the best thing since a fan in this Tumbes heat

I have one too many photos involving spiders

I've never been able to just kill them with my bare hands...until now. There's so many here, I just don't even care. The spider killing model is Eric, my host brother. He gets the ones I can't reach because I can't climb walls...not a lot of people can actually. Little monkey.

Reality bitchslap

Hey all you non-perfect students, this is your new mantra - I didn’t get perfect grades but I can do what matters.

                Allow me to just flat out say – GRADES DO NOT MATTER. If you’re struggling to get an A, know that you struggling counts more. You struggling shows your work ethic – that you’re determined, that not just anything can take you down. What you have learned from life experience is what takes you places, not a letter from the alphabet on a sheet of flimsy 8 ½ by 12 inch recycled paper. There’s nothing that can be substituted for good old-fashioned diligence. Now, if you’re one of those 4.0 GPA people and you’d most likely also “shame your parents” if you got any less, your life needs some perspective. Allow me to recommend a walk on skid row, living in a foreign country for an extensive period of time, volunteering with extremely sick little kids and then see how you feel about grades. Did they help you there? No, experiences did.

                I think school’s way too competitive these days. Is it crazy to argue that? I’m all for bettering the world but at what cost? I think the idea of people thinking they can’t do anything right because a test was failed or, God forbid, someone gets a B, was all too present at my college. That pressure to be perfect is a venom to the side that matters from a person – their heart. We begin thinking too much with our heads. That takes over rapidly and we forget our real inhibitions. Your dreams are drowned in reality but reality isn’t what creates the ocean – it’s you. It’s your eyes. It’s all in how you see things. Moreover, grades can’t help you see your soul.