Paseo con los jovenes de Pasos Adelante

Love from the jungle

Latrines = happy families

The families I get to work with

The carpenters, Exodo and Jimmy, and Judy with her children, Breddy and Luis, and her dad who helped build that day

Luis' smile says it all

Sandra and her children, Kevin, Aimee and Daniel

Tears of happiness

Vanesas and her son, Jonmer

Liz is one of the hardest working mother's in preventing disease in her little girl, Rosie

Latrines! A nice sight to see!

A developing, striving, blossoming, modest entropy

In this world, you are weary yet excited. Possibilities are in the air. We are rising as we are falling but most don't mind the physics.

The people are aesthetically pleasing to a refined eye. In the different, unique, broken, beaten but not defeated, there is often beauty. If physiognomy exists, then life has not been easy.

They are running past you, guarded, in a rush, reaching a destination to you unknown but to them, home.

On the rides you take, you are assaulted with smells pungent, violently acrid as you sense yourself getting an instant headache from gasoline emissions straight to your very neurons. Their world hasn't reached the same, environmentally friendly smells of your world.

The babies in the streets are screaming. Screaming or running. Screaming or running. Smiling or quiet. This world - screaming or running, while smiling but quiet.

The noise you hear makes you want to stop, kneel to your equal and cry. The noise and your equal being a mentally disabled, socioeconomically challenged, wrinkled face beggar asking you for 10 cents. You usually don't give money, you were taught people are not honest, and to "always give food"...but oh, in this world...they are. In fact, the degree of honesty and truth is bend-on-your-knees, lock-yourself-in-a-closet-and-cry overwhelming. Your eyes have only just begun to see.

While natural resources run plenty, this world is exploited. Their harvest was stolen. You sat and watched. You're helpless.

Then you try to help, but what little you do, you'll never even tangibly be able to see. Faith is your only ally.

Stay faithful or die fighting. This world is full of wonder but ruthless.

The human offers a calloused hand, a tired heart and even more tired feet. He has walked in this world all his life and he knows it's stone-cold, obdurate reality. He has and he will. Walk, walk he goes, because in a world where you can choose to laugh or cry, what would you choose?

Onwards and upwards, this world is your world and our world...and we are them and they are us. Equal parts of same territories but one world is behind you. As you are in front, does the lead really matter? Where will you stand to get where you want to be? On bodies? Or on solid ground?

My metaphors are real and they live right this very second...developing, bigger, stronger, an evolution - no microscope required. Come see for yourself. Don't occult, eclipse me. There is hope...if you think there is too, that is.

This world's phylogeny comes full circle soon. The babies, the smells, the noise, the people in their natural, developing habitat...insanity. Insalubrious and sick. Feeble, fluctuating and hesitant. Faithful and fighting. Screaming or running. Together.

The Magic I Forgot About in the Ordinary

Needless to say, you all know I’ve always been quite the free spirit.

Ever since I was in high school I thought I wanted to go out into the world, literally “set it on FIRE,” no one holding me down, running to different places, seeing and soaking up as much as I can for the “REST OF MY LIFE,” God forbid letting a dull moment happen.

So, it’s safe to say that now I know life isn’t supposed to be one big, stimulating moment. Now, I have a new philosophy. I think there’s more magic in the ordinary. It’s okay if we’re not first or the center of attention. It’s okay if we just ARE.

Not to be too somber, but LIFE IS HARD. It’s supposed to be up’s and down’s so we can appreciate the goodness. The truth is demanding to handle but I miss the truth, “the ordinary” everyday life.

I feel like in Peru, I’ve escaped my “truth” and “the ordinary”, aka the responsibilities I need to take on to be a functioning adult. I traded my truth for a chance at “enlightenment” and enjoying my twenties. Well, my “it’s time to grow up” clock is ticking more loudly than ever. Enlightenment is simple actually. It’s just being aware of yourself, why you’re feeling certain ways and being good to your mind, body and soul. I can do this at home while being productive again for my future. I have gotten EXACTLY what I wanted out of Peace Corps and without a doubt, am growing out of this phase in life. As I am shedding this skin, I also consider myself ready to tackle medical school, but in a new frame of mind – the frame of mind I’ve always wanted.

My ideal frame of mind is me happy just being, existing, oozing inner peace. I crave the ordinary everyday life at home, because I know now it’s more romantic and more stimulating than most think. Every day here in my small site, Oidor, Tumbes, Peru, is ALSO ordinary, but it doesn’t FEEL that way. It’s my perspective towards appreciating the slow days and the routine that makes me “feel alive.” Life can be simple and beautiful at the SAME TIME.

I’m not calling Peru “paradise” because most people don’t exactly think of what I’m doing as fun, but, for me, it’s been a hiatus, a place of growth, experiencing everything from developing country work frustrations, to testing my patience, to rafting the Amazon 112 miles and camping in random jungle towns, to doing the 77 mile Huayhuash trail in the Andes, to dancing on the beach until the sun comes up. As a low maintenance, adventurous kind of girl that likes to challenge herself, it’s been my idea of fun and good ol’ hard work all mixed into one.

Peace Corps was the best decision I’ve ever made. I can’t wait to share what I’ve seen and learned! I just know I’ve had my fill and am ready for what adulthood and “the ordinary” has to bring. I want to go back to school and work so hard, I fall asleep at 9pm every night. I want to share work concerns with my friends. I want to wake up early and listen to NPR’s Morning Edition. Most importantly, I want to take what I’ve learned in Peace Corps and lead others. I believe in my new frame of mind as the best way to live. I want others to see the magic in the ordinary like I see it, but I also understand many won’t.

There’s also no place like home. The friends I have, thank God, DO understand my simple way of life.

The freedom of thinking youthfully is beautiful but I’ve grown up in the sense that I want to stay close to family and friends once I’m done with Peace Corps. Family is number one, period. I miss you mom, Peter, Miklos, Kateets, Misha, Petar, all the babies in our family…and I miss my dear friends that I consider family – Kellie, Claire, Sara, Sarah, Car, Sof, Ali, Ernie, Molly, Michelle, Bear, Brittany, Vinnie, Coachie, B.C., Elan. You guys are my rocks and I think of you constantly, but I know once I get back, it’s not like we’ll hang out everyday too. We’re all on different roads that happen to mingle every once in a while, and those days are what life is all about! I look forward to crossing paths more often than we have these past couple years. I am also so happy I still feel strong bonds with ALL of you. I really picked some winners to surround myself with. No matter what the distance, we will love each other!

I’m glad I’ve had this journey to let go of my inhibitions, have some wild nights, go to breath-taking places, but it’s time.

Home and stability sounds like a dream. I’ve started preparing myself mentally for the day I go home, although I know I’ll be going through some serious culture shock as far as fast-paced America goes.

Anticipating:

1) Immediate death without ceviche in my life...just kidding, but I think it's plausible.

2) Probably will still want to bathe in cold water, or end up turning off the water if I’m just lathering up!

3) Still walk slowly, because there’s no rush in my mind anymore for ANYTHING.

4) Won't shut up about Peru and "that one time I did X cool amount of things" or maybe I'll be extra quiet for a while there...overwhelmed, not sure how to act,  or how to share my perspective that may seem a lot different than most people's.

5) I'll FOR SURE get frustrated and want to punch people that complain about "first world problems."

6) Missing the culture that at one point drove me up the wall crazy.

7) Speaking Spanglish fluently, relating more to my Hispanic or fellow PCV friends, forgetting English words for the first few months.

8) Most importantly, I'll miss the place I called home and immersed myself so intensely.

9) Will need time to mourn the loss of this precious time period where my being became so full, so bursting of life. 

Bottom line, I’m happy to say that when I go home, I plan on dedicating myself to school and the people I love, and I truly can’t wait for this phase to begin!

Yay, yet another phase! Who knows what I'll learn next and end up carrying with me this time?!

Sunset from my site

The Click

I don't know the exact moment it happened or if it was after a series of moments but it's true. After taking a couple of years off to travel, do something productive and "gain life experience" before stepping into the career that partly defines you for the rest of your life, something inevitably CLICKS. There is no word exactly to pinpoint WHAT clicks. It's a mystery but I'm going to try my best to describe it.

I don't know if it's being able to hear yourself think without the noise of conventional society and man's killer, routine, but the click is loud enough to change your life, to make you deaf. Deaf to pressure, this silly "life is a battle and you must be FIRST or the BEST, or you are nothing" aggression and TIME.

I felt an inkling when I was dancing and singing on the beach at sunset with my friends, splashing in the waves. Is life REALLY this perfect?

The click got louder when the health post threw me a surprise birthday party and dunked my head in the cake. I heard, "thank you for helping us," for the first time in 2 years. This is when I went deaf to the clock ticking. The rush had been all in my head all along.

Then there was the time a young mother I work with unexpectedly confided in me. I come visit her every so often with the doctor or nurse to prevent disease in her children. The doctor left and I stayed, seeing the loneliness in her eyes, simultaneously going deaf to aggression. She told me her husband hits her and rapes her when he comes home drunk. "You can do whatever you want to your wife, even if she doesn't want it. Machismo." It hits me again - this ever-present, ever-nebulous feeling. It stays opaque but it's growing stronger and stronger each day. You feel obtuse and you're searching for answers.

Can't forget all the times little kids greet me as I walk down the streets of my small village. They knew my name on the second day of my service...as if I MATTER, as if I'm someone SPECIAL, just because I'm white and from far away and they've never seen anything like it. Boom. I'm here. I'm on this Earth. I'm living. I'm breathing...I'm powerful.

When things click, there's also this INNER CALM that possesses you. It fights with you because you hesitate to believe in it at first and then, just like a wave washes a seashell to shore, the calm settles in. Maybe it's because you've put up with so many situations people only have in their wildest dreams that it takes a lot to provoke you now. Your home is sticks and mud with leaks in the roof you had to patch in rainy season, you've had dengue fever and people thought you were going to die, your legs are ruined from mosquito bite scars, you've seen child beggars and had to be cautious instead of sympathetic, you've been close to insects smaller than your hand that can kill you, you've been on transportation that breaks down twice to take you a couple miles. Everything breaks, and it's okay. Life is hard and complicated, and IT'S OKAY, and most importantly, I begin to like the hard moments more and more.

Maybe it's the time I was able to give a child her first tooth brush and she smiles ear-to-ear the way someone who's just won the lottery smiles, but also in a way that makes you want to drop to your knees, bury your head and cry for them all because they don't deserve it. The only thing that's keeping you sane in such an environment is that you're doing SOMETHING about it. Sure it's not a lot, but at least it's SOMETHING. Peace.

Maybe it's when you hiked to see the sunset over your village with your cute Peruvian kid friends that don't wear shoes, climb to the tops of coconut trees and live on mangoes, oranges, rice and potatoes. Maybe it's when they all laughed at you for not being able roll your r's. Life is good, isn't it? Life is unbelievable but it is good. You are going to be alright. A worry at this moment is wrong. Look at their faces and enjoy. Be. Click.

My Ultimate Goal in Life

I think it's really crazy and unconventional to just outright say this but my goal in life is to find real love.

I don't care if I sound "desperate" or "naive." Some people think I'm extremely naive, and I can see EXACTLY how I come across as that...I am too "carefree, silly, wreckless, wild"...I don't know. The whole "you only live once" phrase gets thrown around a lot with me. What else? I laugh like a crazy person? Well life has put me through the ringer when I was a child and so, I really don't think it's "naive." As much maturing I have left to do, I think in this area of love and relationships, I have learned the hard way and it has formed me to be hyper-conscious of people. This lesson I've got DOWN. Every single person out there can be a potential "love."

I don't know if it's super juvenile of me to say, if it's something you grow out of because it seems like it'd be something really innocent to say, but I hope no one or nothing takes that away from me.

I am the way I am. It is just what it is. Can't read into it. No hidden layers. It's truth.

In fact I think more people are like me in this sense at our very core, if we learn to lose our ego.

I don't REALLY care about much else.

If I go to med school, great. If I end up becoming an Ironman by the time I'm 30, cool. If I get to see Torres del Paine, Patagonia in Chile - great. All wonderful things. Very real forces of important momentum in my life that I should listen to. Not to be discarded, but the real high I'm searching for is love. If someone can say at the end of my life, "man that Gia...she didn't just love, she loved HARD. That'll be hard to find again." There is no comparison to that feeling when you find real, good, think you can do anything, get through the toughest moments, raw, unbreakable, eternal love. I wish that upon everyone every day of their lives.

Whether it's through my best of friends, my mom, brother, grandma, cousins...or a very, VERY special man one day (who I'm sorry has to marry me in advance, hope I don't drive him too crazy, but I also hope we laugh so hard our stomachs hurt on a weekly basis...AT LEAST. I won't settle for anything less!). But yeah, I don't care how it happens or how I get my fill. Chances are you've given me my "fill" before if I'm close to you. I cherish love so much, it's TRULY ridiculous. :-)

I think that's why I put so much of my heart and soul into my relationships. I feel like that's the whole point. My life is for others. For love. I feel like a freaking golden retriever saying this but I am here to love you. I really feel that, so deeply.

You know - I lay awake at night thinking about how different I am from others, because a lot of people don't get it like I passionately do. Sometimes I don't know if society is telling me if it's a curse or a blessing. I  try to psychoanalyze myself, because my childhood was tumultuous and I was very lost. Not many know what EXACTLY happened to me, the details, but the ones that do can never believe I've turned out the way I did. To be honest I'm surprised I'm not an alcoholic either, ha! It's a good thing I've grown past a lot of it though. I grew up really fast come to think of it. My mom cheating on my dad with my now stepdad, my dad throwing her out - I will never forget that day, the neighbors coming to take us into their home, the police walking up the driveway, us living in a dumpy apartment sleeping all in the same bed, watching my mom struggle, having to deal with the man I thought ended my family, divorce, my brother and I living out of a suitcase, being passed from house to house, counseling session to counseling session, then all of a sudden my dad gets in a car crash and his Hepatitis C acts up (that had gone dormant for 30 years or so, which I think is sheer miracle...I think God wanted my brother and I to have our dad around to learn a couple of things from him before He had to take dad to heaven) then my dad's on life support and I get this call from my mom that she pulled the plug without me being able to say goodbye to my dad, the person I felt closest to in the whole world. The strength it took to forgive her for just that is heart wrenching. Then a month after my dad passing, my mom remarries with the guy she cheated on my dad with. Did I mention I did not get along with my stepdad? I was a modern Dennis the Menace. I was in HELL. This was just 4th grade to 7th grade...high school was just one big bout of yelling and screaming and doors slamming. Then enter the healing process. Shit - just the other week for Father's Day, year 2013, is the first time I appreciated my stepdad...really felt it in my heart. I have forgiven my mom, the stepdad, still working on myself. But I think I'm chasing the love I once felt. A love that made you feel safe and like everything was right in the world and you're right where you need to be at that very moment in time, because believe me, it exists, and I felt it before my family went into war. I felt it with my dad. I feel it with my mom now. I feel it with certain friends. This love lets me know I'm on the right path.

I think that path is what I'm looking for too. Love truly guides me. Does it guide you too?

I may be a lost puppy for a long time but thank God I have found loves that keep me on track. But my search is far from over. I can't wait to see where life brings me, or should I say, where people bring me? We are amazing creatures.

Tell people you love them. It's so important. Shit it may be the most important thing on this planet...but what do I know? I'm still searching.

Bianca learns to read

Why Peace Corps?

Okay, I get it.

I try to not be self-righteous but it’s true - what I’m doing is hard. It’s not a job everyone could do.

Because I’m young and not used to “the finer things in life,” I am extremely low-maintenance. But when I look at the water coming out of the faucet while I’m cooking and it’s brown and resembles the consistency of diarrhea, and instantly this thought comes to mind - “Damn it, can’t wash my clothes by hand yet” - it becomes a little clearer. The Peace Corps sacrifice surfaces.

When we give, we are more fulfilled than when we receive though, so I choose to give.

I choose a life full of challenges rather than a breezy walk in the park. Builds character.

Bianca was just in my room. She’s a great muse. We were watching Planet Earth videos in Spanish about the jungle, her favorite episode to watch, and she snuggles up to me when we watch movies. She always ends up grabbing my hands and playing with them too. I think to myself, “One day Bianca will remember this and she will smile. She’ll feel like the coolest kid on the block because of our special bond. Her confidence just might lead her to make those tough decisions that will take her life in the right direction, and it all came from a little well-seeded confidence.” This isn’t coming from an egotistical viewpoint. Most children where I live don’t get these type of memories. Her smile years from now matters to me.

This is why I’m a volunteer.

I'm waiting 'til marriage

Hey, what’s up? My name is Gioconda and I’m a virgin.

Anybody got any guesses when it became so taboo to say this?

A lot of people like to challenge me on this particular topic so I’d like to share my voice. Who knows? Maybe some young girl will find this useful.

First of all, I know what you’re all thinking. Sure, I grew up Catholic but I don’t go to church every Sunday. I’m not this perfect little Catholic girl. In fact, I rebelled and stayed away from religion for a while after my dad passed and parents divorced. Typical teenage angst. God and why “everything happens for a reason” didn’t make sense to me. Now I’m finally letting religion back in my life, little by little, because I crave answers like the rest of us do, and religion is the most “comforting” for me personally. For everyone, including myself, the “faith journey” has been a bumpy ride. I consider myself more SPIRITUAL. I see God in the sunset, in the intricacies of the human brain and human anatomy I find hard to be “coincidence,” in my friends, the ocean, the beautiful mountains in Colorado, etc. but BOTTOM LINE, this whole “staying a virgin until marriage” thing doesn’t come from the religion I grew up with. I just wanted you to get a sense of my religious background, or lack thereof. I was reluctant to going back to it for all the agnostic reasons possible. There are a lot of things I disagree with about Catholicism actually. So let me make myself perfectly clear: I make the conscious, religiously unbiased decision to WAIT to have sex because I DO NOT THINK I AM MENTALLY READY, AT 24 YEARS OLD. I don’t have any embarrassment in saying this because I also think it’s very smart to be a virgin in this day in age with so many STD’s, unwanted pregnancies and confused men and women WITHOUT good foundations for the decisions they make. MAINLY, I am thinking about my future as a doctor, which means so much to me, that I am not at liberty to jeopardize it. Also, let’s get one semi-comical sidenote clear, and this is probably the best declaration out of this whole speech – I’m no “loser.” Please, you have no idea how much sass is in my body and how much of a “party animal” I am. I’m DEFINITELY enjoying my youth - just simultaneously trying to be my idea of responsible, which is a higher standard than most people, I’ll give you that.

To all those rolling their eyes at the “innocent girl that clearly doesn’t know a thing or two about sex because she’s never had it” - to each, their own. Our differences are what make us unique, and unique, in my opinion, is synonymous with beauty, as there are carbon copies of certain individuals walking around nowadays. Succumbing to conformation is, unfortunately, “trendy.”

The only substantial problem I have is, now, being a virgin isn’t “COOL.” “Wow how cool! She is disciplined, has a healthy self-esteem and sticks to what she believes in!” said NO ONE…maybe some Amish. Call me old-fashioned, but our sexual culture is evolving, as evolutionary biology should deem normal.

I’d say the self-discipline it takes to keep my pants on is pretty cool though. You don’t think I am dying to “try it out” and see what all the fuss is about?! You don’t think I have guys kiss me and begging me for more?! You don’t think I MYSELF have urges to just rip someone’s shirt off? Again, PLEASE. I’m just as animalistic as every other human being. There was a while there when I was just about to throw my hands up in the air and say, “FUCK IT! Maybe I am thinking too much about this! I’m going to have sex…wild, animalistic sex with no strings attached! I can handle it!” I’m SO glad I stuck to what I believe in, even though I’m tempted all the damn time, especially since living as a Peace Corps volunteer near the biggest party beach in Peru, where hot as hell men from France, Italy, Uruguay, Brazilians, New Zealand, Australia, etc. flock by the dozen to surf and have a good time. I just got better at controlling my urges. When things get physical with a guy, all I think to myself is, “You want to have a baby with this guy?! ‘CAUSE THAT’S WHAT CAN HAPPEN, GIOCONDA!” Sure I’m harsh on myself, but it’s because these things happen. Do I even have to mention all the STD’s out there? I take my future seriously. Can’t someone find that admirable? (Obviously I’ve also taken into consideration, before writing this, that I’m not exactly in the “husband gold mine” environment, but there is still a valid point in all this regardless of this piece’s trigger.)

This also has a lot to do with the self-respect I have for myself. I have accomplished many things in life, I’m a smart girl and I know I’m beautiful. (That also shouldn’t be taboo to say.) I’m one of those big, bad “strong women.” One day, I will be SOMEBODY’S strong woman though. I am coming from a place of purity and honesty. I’m riding on this wave – a hope that a man as honest, moral and disciplined as I am does exist. These qualities in a person predict a lot about what they do and WILL DO with their lives –career, family, etc. You attract the same kind of caliber of person you are.

Lately, when I talk to a guy, and I can tell we’ve had too many drinks and things are going south, I always tell them what I am and who I believe in. Most of the time, TO MY PLEASANT SURPRISE, a guy isn’t put off by it, but there’s always some sort of backlash and suspicious questioning. I just like to be honest, simple as that. I don’t mean to intimidate anyone. When I finally tell a man this, and he respects it, and asks me the RIGHT QUESTIONS, I’ll know he is a man of morals and may potentially deserve me, because let’s be honest – there’s an abundance of men that don’t care about sex anymore. It’s mainly for pleasure. The meaning is lost a lot of the time. Sex can be fun, but whether we like to pay attention to it or not, it messes with people’s heads. People inevitably get attached because of biological messages in our bodies. Blah, blah, blah, you all know this already, BUT hear me out: people like to suppress these feelings, and then that’s when shit hits the fan. Girl gets confused. Boy loses interest. Girl’s self-esteem drops, along with a part of herself. Boy thinks it’s normal behavior and that girl is crazy emotional “or something.” Sex to have sex is usually a downward spiral, if you can’t handle it correctly. I also like preventing this potentially damaging downward spiral. A person who can “handle friends with benefits sex” correctly generally has a healthy self-esteem. Most of us, whether we like to admit it or not, do not have a healthy self-esteem or are in limbo of feeling good about ourselves, as rejection gets to most of us sensitive souls, AND fun fact: rejection happens often in life!

In my opinion, sex is sacred and it should be referred to as “making love.” It is a beautiful union of two people. The more love there is, the better the sexual relationship, right? That’s what everyone who’s found “the one” says. Apart from not being mentally ready, I also like to think of my virginity as my gift to the man that I have waited so long to be vulnerable enough with and it will tell him, “I’ve already been thinking about you before I met you and putting your happiness before mine.” That is my idea of a MATURE type of love bond that only gets better with age, because you have both agreed to face life TOGETHER. I will be able to trust him with my heart, which is kind of a big deal! When we fall in love, we open ourselves up in unimaginable ways. The other person’s happiness comes before yours. You sacrifice, compromise and support. It’s not about JUST YOU, YOURSELF AND YOU anymore; there’s another person in the picture that you have to think about before making decisions, because if you really, deeply care about someone, you want your life to help theirs. You want to follow in their footsteps. You’ve realized you can’t live without them. It’s really something special when two people bond like this. The sex is just a small part of the equation. More importantly, you have to find the other puzzle pieces to make sure you take care of your heart.

I’m not saying EVERYONE should be a virgin until marriage, because obviously we are all different, and I love our differences! I’m probably the least judgmental person you’ll ever meet, as I firmly believe people do things for reasons we MUST RESPECT, because IT IS THEIR LIFE, NOT MINE, PERIOD. I simply encourage girls to be more open about saving themselves. Share the dignity you have within yourself to save yourself and be empowered by your self-discipline, painstaking premeditation and undeniable optimistic hope in finding your special someone regardless of how good in bed you are, because you most value the part of you that makes you smart and gives you that wonderful personality!

Accomplishing

I got to Peru about a year and 8 months now and have been working on a Healthy Homes project ever since with 15 families, in collaboration with various doctors, obstetricians and nurses that arrived for their residencies to our rural, humble health post in Oidor. Each family has completed educational health sessions on hand washing, parasite prevention, drinking boiled/treated water, dengue/malaria prevention, nutrition, correct breastfeeding, early childhood stimulation, household hygiene and latrine maintenance.

I’m proud to announce I’m finally FINISHING this massive project. I can’t believe I get to say this but NONE of the kids I work with are malnourished anymore, and none have had parasites for over the past SIX MONTHS.

As a gift for completing the program, we are building the families latrines, as they do not have bathrooms, and the families are SO HAPPY to finally have a place of dignity to go to the bathroom!

This fulfills me to my core. I am doing the right thing in life and I am EXTREMELY happy myself. At times, this project was a ROYAL PAIN IN MY BUTT because of the low support I first received, incompetent/lazy health professionals, getting sick with parasite after parasite myself, loneliness and many other barriers, but I remained hopeful and patient that this project will work out. It was quite the mental marathon. In return, I have learned A LOT about life and myself in the process.

In the future, I hope you’re all going to know a Dr. Gioconda Zoller, M.D., that’s opened up a health clinic in the middle of nowhere, Africa, Asia or Central/South America. It is my dream to be a lifelong servant, to continue feeling what I feel now in the Peace Corps.

Bianca learns to read

Excerpt from Advice to a Young Investigator by Santiago Ramón y Cajal

Sometimes I have to validate my reasons for doing the Peace Corps and not going directly into medical school, but then I realize it's the best decision I've ever made. I'm a better person for it and have turned into the adult I've always wanted to be. Ramón y Cajal, the father of modern neurobiology, said this and it says what I can't eloquently about why I did the Peace Corps:

THE ABSOLUTE NECESSITY OF SEEKING INSPIRATION IN NATURE

We may learn a great deal from books, but we learn much more from the contemplation of nature - the reason and occasion for all books. The direct examination of phenomena has an indescribably disturbing and leavening effect on our mental inertia - a certain exciting and revitalizing quality altogether absent, or barely perceptible, in even the most faithful copies and descriptions of reality.

All of us have probably observed that when we attempt to verify a fact presented by a writer, unexpected results invariably emerge, suggesting ideas and plans of action not aroused by the mere act of reading. In our view, this is due to an inability of the human word to paint exactly and faithfully. In any branch of knowledge one may wish to mention, reality presents a surface of highly varied and complex sensations. Symbolic expression always arises through abstraction and simplification, and can only reflect a small part of reality.

No matter how objective and simple it may appear, all description relies on personal interpretation - the author's own point of view. It is well-known that man projects his personality onto everything, and that when he believes he is photographing the outside world he is often observing and depicting himself.

From another perspective, observation provides the empirical data used to form our conclusions, and also arouses certain emotions for which there are simply no substitutes - enthusiasm, surprise, and pleasure, which are compelling forces behind constructive imagination. Emotion kindles the spark that ignites cerebral machinery, whose glow is required for the shaping of intuition and reasonable hypotheses.

...

"Life seems to be pure mechanism. Living bodies are hydraulic machines that are so perfect they can repair the damage caused by the force of the torrent moving them, and even produce other similar hydraulic machines through the reproduction." I am absolutely convinced that the vivid impression caused by this direct observation of life's internal machinery was one of the deciding factors in my inclination to biological research.

Beach day with Pasos Adelante kids and the health post

3 doctors, 2 obstetricians, 1 Peace Corps volunteer and 8 motivated teens

Friendship

Alicia, you have no idea how much I appreciate you. Let’s just start off with that. You will NEVER grasp how much! No matter how many times I squeeze the crap out of you (slash give a hug to you) or how many times I tell you I love you on our nightly ‘How’d you survive today?” phone calls, you can’t get it. Just know I will always be your friend.

Now, a disclaimer – I may not be the best writer in the world. I’m no Huff Post! We’re going to go on detours and there will be lots of anyways-ing! But this an emotional topic after all…and I am not very skilled at letting my emotions flow eloquently from brain to mouth so I hope this isn’t weird for you to read. Peace Corps relationships are just SO DIFFERENT than one we’d make in the states. We are put in a country for 2 long, arduous years with people we normally wouldn’t hang out with so finding a true friend was a big deal for me. Also, you just inspire me Alicia. You know I love you but sometimes it’s nice to hear it too. Plus, I want all my friends around the world to know about you and meet you one day in California or Colorado because it’s my favorite thing when my friends know each other and get along! All I want is to assure that you hear EVERYTHING I have to say about how great you are; I don’t want to miss out on one single detail.

In our lives, we meet very few people we can’t live without. The universe God’s say, “You know what Omnipotent Bobsilius? Alicia and Gia are both in Peru right now and they would be SUCH GREAT FRIENDS! Should we help them take care of each other??” And then, ZAP! We can’t control what happens next, but all of a sudden, we’re in the same room, we’re introduced and our lives are better for it. We’re laughing more, we feel more confident, and love is mutually shared. I laugh so hard with you Alicia. Laughter happens to be the shortest distance between two people, ya know? The journey together began with a good joke. Most likely, being the disgusting Peace Corps volunteers we are, it was about our doomed bowel movements.

Friendship is like magic because we don’t know the EXACT moment in time we got close enough to say the weird things we say to each other without rejecting the other person like a moldy block of cheese, but we gave each other one feeling of happiness. A feeling that floated off into our brain’s white matter, red light blinking with urgency, to signal us to keep this person around. “Get person’s phone number!!!” Alicia, we’ve maintained this happiness we bring each other through our insane, asinine, boring, extraordinary Peace Corps experiences – phone calls we’re both crying from laughter about the other person’s day or hearing the wrong words (“Did you just call me a baby dick?!”). You help me talk until I fall asleep too because there’s always so much on my damn mind. You’re an insomnia remedy. We got to share the jungle together (I would have NEVER touched that anaconda if you weren’t there). You’re a first-time catalyst. I got to visit your Peace Corps site and we ATTEMPTED to watch the sunset like lovers but that failed…but it was okay, because we were together. You’re a guilty pleasured cliché. Mancora party nights dancing our butt’s off on the sand, letting me sing oldies to you as the sun goes down, sleeping in that Huanchaco beach apartment shithole but, again, it was okay because it was OUR shithole. I’d get into ANY mess with you girl, ‘cause I know we’d be laughing on our way out. And what about eating our beloved pizza? Our love for pizza is incomparable…so much so that no one ever believes us when we order the biggest size. You’re like a RUSTIC ROCKING CHAIR in a Southern home that stays comfortable for generations. Everyone wants to grow old with you. (I hope you didn’t take that seriously, I’m cracking up writing this.) Even when there isn’t loud music, a dance floor or anything to talk about, we can just BE with each other. I like riding the bus or cab with you or walking around town to do a frivolous errand. You’re the simple things.

This is my favorite thing about you – you love like a child which is why you don’t think it’s weird how affectionate I am. You let me hold you and squeeze the crap out of you and give you kisses and hold your hand for the hell of it. You let people think we’re lesbians (even though Lord knows we are too straight for our own good, ha!). We are innocent and pure together. Heart open, heart strong.

My most important goal in life is to SHARE MY EXPERIENCES with GOOD PEOPLE, and you, my friend, are one of my favorite people in the world to share this world with. You bring the best out in me so each experience is just the way I’d like it to be. You already know that family and friends are everything to me. I’m a happy-go-lucky people person. I love getting to know people, but I normally don’t get as close to anyone as I have with you. That’s why it’s such a big deal to me that you’re in my life Alicia! I may not have many close friends because I’m a hard ass on people at the same time. So much bullshit out there clouding people’s minds. A good, solid, MORAL person that has no hidden agenda, that is purely themselves, INNOCENT, smart and has their priorities straight, and that DOESN’T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT WHAT ANYONE THINKS ABOUT THEM is so hard to find. I also want my friends to be my role models, because I firmly believe YOU ARE WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE, and I can honestly say I look up to you Alicia. You motivate me to be a better person. You’ve helped me become more trusting, analytical, directed, less judgmental, better at sharing, ha! Now I don’t think twice about giving you the last fry. Last but not least, you’ve given me the type of memories a person can’t help but smile about. There are some things going to the grave with us but there are other stories we’ll never shut up about to our children. I can’t wait for those days.

You just know me so damn well – a loud, spontaneous spirit, borderline crazy - I'll give ya that - a personality that is so strong, obstanate and FIXED, I know I can be hard to get along with – and you STILL call me the next day to see how I’m doing. You don’t think I’m annoying…well maybe sometimes you want to slap me, and tell me to shut up or FOCUS, ha! In a sense though, that’s my favorite part about our friendship – the honesty. We can be 100% honest and not kill each other at the end of the day. In my opinion, the best friendships are the kind we have - the honest, healthy fighting, unconditional love kind.

Friend, you have accomplished wonderful things here in Peru. Congratulations. You will be missed a great deal. I get home shortly after you but we know how life goes out here. Once you’re gone, I’ll talk to you an exponentially less amount, ghost dialing your number that doesn’t work anymore just for fun. That’s no one’s fault. It’s the friggin’ Peace Corps – I have less access to Internet and barely have cell service some days, so it just is what it is. I’m not trying to be too dramatic, but we are writing the last pages of our Peace Corps Peru chapter. Attention must be paid. Our pen picks up again in the states, but we will reread what has taken place here forever. We’ve lived a lifetime in 2 years. Intense stuff, right baby dick?! :-)

I know you said you did Peace Corps to prove to yourself that you could because this isn’t normally the type of challenge you thought you could handle, but I wish you saw yourself the way I do. I knew you were going to finish strong all along Alicia. You’re an adventurer with a heart of GOLD and you’re stronger than you think, so next time you think you’re “shy” and not fit for the task at hand, think of the way I see you. An Alicia with conviction and a force to be reckoned with, a LEADER! When you get back home and the transition from developing to first world is awkward, I’m there in spirit listening and hugging you. You’re probably going to get overwhelmed by beauty/materialism/comfort/missing Peru like crazy but I know you’ll see it through and calm yourself down, because Peace Corps also gave us the tool to self-soothe and use our perspective for the better. Peace Corps made us get life on a whole new level, which is why we are fearless lovers of the world. We venture where other don’t think they can. Venturing with you Alicia has been INCREDIBLE. The unknown is now our friend. Allow me to quote one of my favorite movies, The Lion King, we “laugh in the face of danger,” because we know life is too short anyways. The root of all these life lessons is love though. From the love we’ve given each other, we’ve been able to become hybrid forms of ourselves. Thank you for your love mama! You’re a friend anyone would be lucky to have when the going gets tough, but good thing the going isn’t over yet. Of course we won’t live forever but our memory will, if we live this life right. Let’s keep living right Alicia. TO YOUR LIFE, ALICIA, the “going” that makes my “going” worth the walk! I love you!

Monkey's!!!

Overlooking the Amazon, we are just so beautiful. I don't want to hear any comments about that damn hat! I was dehydrated and confused!

CHILLINNNNNNNN'

Blood bombers

Mancora sunset watching

Pimentelly, Alicia's site

The beach in the jungle