I just want to take some time to reflect on my time home for the holidays because I think I acted weird. "Different" was the word I got a lot. Not too different of course - people at their core never change leaps and bounds, but I've definitely shed a new skin.
Sometimes I was quite. Actually, a lot of the time. I didn't have the right words or know how to react to certain things. I was quite the weirdo at my friends wedding. Spitting and frequently going to the bathroom (because I am always sick nowadays) wasn't conducive to the "wear dresses and be a lady" environment. I wish so bad I could control my very raw personality, which only got worse as a Peace Corps volunteer where so many first world manners get thrown at the window. It truly is what you see is what you get. When I went out to the bars in LA, I had some weird conversations, usually about shit I didn't care about...but I tried to relate/have patience with the typical LA resident. I know I speak English but I felt like I didn't speak their language anymore. "We're on two different wavelengths," was usually in repeat in my head. This isn't to sound self-righteous because I know it does. It's just, I always knew I was a different breed of person but I never felt it so much as now. I wish I could be surrounded by philanthropic, adventurous dreamers all the time! Last Gia Is Loca story - went surfing one day and there were only 3 other guys in the water and I just paddled out to them, said hello, did the whole "where are you all from" bit, didn't even think twice about it, and we actually had a nice time out there together! Switched surfboards for a little there! But I forgot it's weird in the states to just go up to people and say hello. They pointed out they've never seen a young girl just come up to them like that. These were old surfer dudes so of course they were nice but I doubt kids my own age would be as into it. Might think I have a hidden agenda or something. Crazies! I might be a crazy too though. I'll give ya that. I also got "you're not the average girl" six times from 6 different people...I repeat, the same exact phrase from 6 different people. In a way I felt like a freak. How EXACTLY was being in comfortable USA affecting me, I kept asking myself. What am I feeling? I used to do the same things without this "feeling." I'm going to need to invent a word In the English language for this feeling. It's not in the dictionary, and no it's not that "enlightened" bullshit.
The best was when some of my friends and family would point out this disoriented look on my face I would get. "You there Gia? You okay?" Usually I was processing what was happening around me like I was looking at things from above the room not sure this was real life. Well, I think I figured out what this strange "feeling" was.
It wasn't culture shock. Please - I can get used to hot water again in a HEARTBEAT. Don't mind me while I take 40 minutes in the shower! Give me that damn loofa! Oh, I don't have to wash my clothes by hand in the hot sun in dirty river water that doesn't really clean my clothes (it's an illusion)?!?! GREAT. Hello dryer, it's been too long, let me set ya to 60 minutes there - delicate. What it also wasn't is me realizing I'm more of a shy person because my mouth was shut for longer periods of time. No sirey, I am still outgoing, observant Gioconda that is interested in knowing new people, new things. That flame will never die. It certainly wasn't depression. I was the happiest I'd been in a long time some days, especially when Miklos ran his first half-marathon with me. That was an extremely rewarding moment for me. It wasn't cynicism at the first world. We shouldn't be ashamed of what we have as long as we are doing our very best to be good people.
I was truly just overwhelmed by how beautiful life is. Simple as that. I am one lucky girl and I wish I could live my days twice just to keep noticing the wonderful things I missed out on the first time. How my mom asks me what I want for breakfast. How she asks me if I want pepper on my eggs even though EVERY TIME, it's, "no thanks mom I don't like pepper." The moment my mom's face LIGHTS UP when she hears Diana Ross anywhere, anytime, any song - she LOVES her Diana. The way my brother listens to me. How my brother farts EVERY TIME we are in the car and I start gagging and I have to put all 4 windows down yelling at him that I don't like that - "SERIOUSLY IT IS SO GROSS MIKLOS, GODDDDDD." The stupid college frat phase he is going through that I semi-cherish because I know it will pass and he will be the BEST man any girl meets one day. The way my grandma tells me to bring a jacket with me wherever I go, even if it's 80 degrees out. The smell of the kitchen when my stepdad is baking one of his famous pies or cakes! This is what happens when you are utterly and completely bulldozed by humbleness. Hypersensitivity to the little things. I am trekking a new world. The way I see has totally changed. So what do I do with this new set of eyes?
The only thing I can do, of course. Enjoy the rest of the ride with the right perspective and the right attitude. Savoring every moment. I want to make my life so good, that if I were given the opportunity to go back in time to relive the whole thing, I'd say yes.
Here are some photos that help me see I live in the midst of a miracle.
Sometimes I was quite. Actually, a lot of the time. I didn't have the right words or know how to react to certain things. I was quite the weirdo at my friends wedding. Spitting and frequently going to the bathroom (because I am always sick nowadays) wasn't conducive to the "wear dresses and be a lady" environment. I wish so bad I could control my very raw personality, which only got worse as a Peace Corps volunteer where so many first world manners get thrown at the window. It truly is what you see is what you get. When I went out to the bars in LA, I had some weird conversations, usually about shit I didn't care about...but I tried to relate/have patience with the typical LA resident. I know I speak English but I felt like I didn't speak their language anymore. "We're on two different wavelengths," was usually in repeat in my head. This isn't to sound self-righteous because I know it does. It's just, I always knew I was a different breed of person but I never felt it so much as now. I wish I could be surrounded by philanthropic, adventurous dreamers all the time! Last Gia Is Loca story - went surfing one day and there were only 3 other guys in the water and I just paddled out to them, said hello, did the whole "where are you all from" bit, didn't even think twice about it, and we actually had a nice time out there together! Switched surfboards for a little there! But I forgot it's weird in the states to just go up to people and say hello. They pointed out they've never seen a young girl just come up to them like that. These were old surfer dudes so of course they were nice but I doubt kids my own age would be as into it. Might think I have a hidden agenda or something. Crazies! I might be a crazy too though. I'll give ya that. I also got "you're not the average girl" six times from 6 different people...I repeat, the same exact phrase from 6 different people. In a way I felt like a freak. How EXACTLY was being in comfortable USA affecting me, I kept asking myself. What am I feeling? I used to do the same things without this "feeling." I'm going to need to invent a word In the English language for this feeling. It's not in the dictionary, and no it's not that "enlightened" bullshit.
The best was when some of my friends and family would point out this disoriented look on my face I would get. "You there Gia? You okay?" Usually I was processing what was happening around me like I was looking at things from above the room not sure this was real life. Well, I think I figured out what this strange "feeling" was.
It wasn't culture shock. Please - I can get used to hot water again in a HEARTBEAT. Don't mind me while I take 40 minutes in the shower! Give me that damn loofa! Oh, I don't have to wash my clothes by hand in the hot sun in dirty river water that doesn't really clean my clothes (it's an illusion)?!?! GREAT. Hello dryer, it's been too long, let me set ya to 60 minutes there - delicate. What it also wasn't is me realizing I'm more of a shy person because my mouth was shut for longer periods of time. No sirey, I am still outgoing, observant Gioconda that is interested in knowing new people, new things. That flame will never die. It certainly wasn't depression. I was the happiest I'd been in a long time some days, especially when Miklos ran his first half-marathon with me. That was an extremely rewarding moment for me. It wasn't cynicism at the first world. We shouldn't be ashamed of what we have as long as we are doing our very best to be good people.
I was truly just overwhelmed by how beautiful life is. Simple as that. I am one lucky girl and I wish I could live my days twice just to keep noticing the wonderful things I missed out on the first time. How my mom asks me what I want for breakfast. How she asks me if I want pepper on my eggs even though EVERY TIME, it's, "no thanks mom I don't like pepper." The moment my mom's face LIGHTS UP when she hears Diana Ross anywhere, anytime, any song - she LOVES her Diana. The way my brother listens to me. How my brother farts EVERY TIME we are in the car and I start gagging and I have to put all 4 windows down yelling at him that I don't like that - "SERIOUSLY IT IS SO GROSS MIKLOS, GODDDDDD." The stupid college frat phase he is going through that I semi-cherish because I know it will pass and he will be the BEST man any girl meets one day. The way my grandma tells me to bring a jacket with me wherever I go, even if it's 80 degrees out. The smell of the kitchen when my stepdad is baking one of his famous pies or cakes! This is what happens when you are utterly and completely bulldozed by humbleness. Hypersensitivity to the little things. I am trekking a new world. The way I see has totally changed. So what do I do with this new set of eyes?
The only thing I can do, of course. Enjoy the rest of the ride with the right perspective and the right attitude. Savoring every moment. I want to make my life so good, that if I were given the opportunity to go back in time to relive the whole thing, I'd say yes.
Here are some photos that help me see I live in the midst of a miracle.
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| playing in the rain |
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| puzzle doing in the pouring rain |
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| Lucy, my fav señora |
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| we love Regis! |
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| la mama |
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| true love! |
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| Miklos' first half! |
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| LOVE YOU MAMA!!! |
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| la familia |
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| el hermano |
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| sisters |
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| love you guys! |
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| my friends have hearts of GOLD |
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| singing christmas carols to the fam! |
