Wow.
Just…wow.
My thoughts are still flying all over the
paper.
Today was hard.
I need to give
you a bit of history. I have been having problems lately with the doctor, one
of the nurses and obstetrician that work in the health post in my rural
community of Oidor in Tumbes. In Peace Corps we have to work with these health
professionals because they are supposed to be the leaders of the community. The
doctor is obviously at the top of the totem pole, so he or she should be the
leader of the team, followed by the obstetrician, then the nurses then me. I
need to explain to you the way health professionals work here in Peru though
before I get ahead of myself with my emotions. What has provoked them is a
meeting I had today with the health professionals, my regional coordinator,
Wilfredo, and Mario, a member of the Directory of Health in Tumbes, who are the
bosses of all health professionals in Tumbes. In the meeting, to make a long
story short, the doctor said it’s useless to have me in Oidor, people don’t
change, and this attitude is already harbored in the obstetrician that came 3
months ago, and one of the nurses. My regional coordinator was basically
fighting the doctor, obstetrician and nurse about how with a negative attitude,
of course we’ve already lost the battle. To top it off, Mario, the big time
boss of all these health professionals, caught them in a lie because they had
been writing documents saying they were accomplishing x amount of activities
with the community but after this meeting, it was obvious that was not the
case. Mario said that someone who speaks so horribly about their community is
not serving them. The doctor even went as far as to blame me for why we all
haven’t been working together. I hope you guys know what the word shitshow
means because it was an ALL OUT, BONAFIED, FIVE STAR SHITSHOW.
Here in Tumbes,
health professionals have another role besides medicine. The Directory of
Health in Tumbes gives each of these health professionals goals to fulfill in
HEALTH EDUCATION as well…basically to teach the same things I teach mothers,
their children and the teenagers in the community. As a matter of fact, we have
the same goals. Peace Corps does this for a reason – so there is a GUARANTEE we
work TOGETHER. The whole point of Peace Corps is to WORK WITH SOMEONE ALWAYS. This
creates sustainability. I don’t just come, do “my projects” and ciao! See you
later alligator! It does not work that way AT ALL. I don’t even say “my”
projects, because it shouldn’t be…it should be “OUR PROJECTS”, joined with the
community members. Most of my first 6 months here was motivating people to work
with me. I had to push/insist and I didn’t like that. Fun Gia fact: I HATE
PUSHING PEOPLE. Absolutely hate it. With some people, I had to know when to
stop because they weren’t interested and it showed…but then I’d see a spark in
someone else, and I’d have to help them be the whole goddamn firework, if that
makes any sense. Anyways, back to the point - health professionals here don’t
just stay in their offices. The doctors, nurses and obstetricians of Peru each
have goals to fulfill with the community in addition to their work in the
office. It’s like if our doctors in the U.S. hospitals were to go to the
schools and visit the families in that neighborhood to give them educational
sessions about preventing disease. Obviously that doesn’t happen in the states
because it’s more developed but here in Peru it’s a different reality and this
is the kind of help the people need. We still have many obstacles ahead of us,
“nuestro pobre, lindo Peru” as the people here say (“our poor, beautiful
Peru”).Therefore, this doctor, the nurse and the obstetrician should be in that
house visit with me, or that Pasos Adelante class teaching the teenagers to
make good decisions. Have they been doing that? Not one bit. I have been
looking past it because it’s their own prerogative. Again, I HATE PUSHING
PEOPLE. I want to understand where people are coming from and believe there’s a
good reason behind each of their decisions. Who am I to judge? But you can
believe I’ve come to their offices time and time again just to invite them,
tell them how our projects are going, just talk to them, see how they’re doing
– bullshit my ass off to gain their trust maybe to see if they’re more like my
friend, they’ll help me out. It has not worked.
I have found
good people to work with of course – it’s just that, it’s not a lot of people –
a couple of health promoters, a teacher here and there. As a result of the
little support, my productivity level is lower than it should be. Basically, I
need the health post’s support to be as successful as I should be. They have no
interest, so I really haven’t bothered them to work with me. I feel bad. Like I
said, I HATE pushing people. I understand they all have their own lives. Because
I cannot work alone, I am always waiting or trying to motivate the doctor,
nurse or obstetrician to come to class with me and teach the people with me, I
am very behind in these projects. Thank God for the two health promoters I work
with and the other nurse in the health post that have supported me from day
one. Otherwise I probably would have left Peace Corps already.
It is hard being a health professional here
because after medical school, for example, you have to do a year of “SERUM”,
the equivalent of a “residency” in a rural community. After their SERUM, most
doctors go find better lives in Lima and leave behind the communities…obviously
because they are now rich and the quality of life in Lima is exponentially
better than in a community in the middle of nowhere. I understand this. People
work hard to move from poverty to having something in life. I just can’t
believe how much of a disparity most health professionals leave their
communities. This is their country and health professionals who truly want to
better it is truly far and few between. This is my attempt to understand the
negativity that has plagued my health post, because I am not them and I do not
know for sure but here goes…they grew up around it. They are sick of trying.
Therefore, and, unfortunately, they think there’s nothing that can be done.
When you’re exposed to something for a long period of time, you get used to it
– TOO used to it. This is what has happened to one of the nurses, the doctor
and the obstetrician in my site. The work ethic from the people in my health
post has left me a little broken hearted…not for the community, but for the
health professionals. They lost something very important for this kind of job a
long time ago – hope, and they have not yet learned another something very
important for the job – patience. Particularly in my health post, it’s also
amazing how contagious one bad attitude can spread, because they all weren’t
like this when they first started their SERUM. The doctor came into this
thinking my job will be fruitless. From day one, he has told me, he commends me
for leaving for two years to try, but that my efforts will prove “silly” one
day. No it did not feel good to hear this. I have obviously suppressed the shit
out of his words because I still believe but still…“fighting to prevent disease
as a team.” What a far-fetched dream that is right now.
I have a lot to
think about. I first want to say – there are volunteers that get everything
handed to them but I am glad I am not one of them. I am glad this is the
challenge of a lifetime for my patience, resiliency and hope. I will be
unstoppable one day, but for now, I’m one lowly grasshopper, just praying my
master isn’t too, too harsh on me. I know he only gives me burdens I can
handle.
Secondly, the
doctor does not know what he is talking about when he says the community is not
capable of change. He does not work directly with the families in their own
homes, or with the kids at their school. He does not what I do, thus, he does
not see what I see. I see that the job is hard. I see that I need a lot of
patience, but most of all, I see families that want to change. In other words,
I see a chance. It’s a chance in hell, but I see it, and, as a result, I feel
that hope. That hope that gets you through two years. I know I’ve told a lot of
people I don’t know what the future holds for me – if I’ll be home by next
summer, or if I will finish my Peace Corps service from cover to cover, but now
I know I need to see it through.
Today has been
tough because the truth came out – the scary, vulgar, shocking truth. It’s not
the only truth that came out though. Wilfredo also wanted to see my choir so we
walked over the small school in my pueblo. All the kids were running around in
their recess time yet come to greet me as I’m entering the gate. It’s always an
ambush, and I love every second of it – no matter how sweaty and dirty we all
are, and how much hotter it gets surrounded by all of them. I will always
cherish this feeling of children to my left, to my right, climbing on top of
me, grabbing my legs. They sang for Wilfredo. He told me I’m the luckiest Peace
Corps volunteer he knows, no matter what the obstacles, because I have love all
around me, and will keep me going. Truth.
I saw a lot more
truth that spoke louder than the doctor’s words and this is what I want to
leave you with, because this is the truth that matters. When I was leaving the
health post in a very emotional state, on the verge of tears of the burden I
carry, one of my favorite little girls was coming in – Gigi. There are photos
below. She has a speech impediment and knows how to say about 6 words well, one
of those words being my name. She saw me and I saw her and she smiled and
opened her arms and started running to hug me…and the way Gigi smiles is
different than any other child. The smile is practically bursting off her face
because she can’t express herself through words, so she uses other ways. This
smile literally brought me to my knees, dropped all my folders and papers on
the floor, so she could give me a good hug and I could give her a good hug too.
All I needed to take away my tears. Truth.
