I can't believe this but the past three nights I've dreamt about my dad, vividly. I wake up in tears but feeling weightless - it makes no sense. I know I'm a little weird for listening to the world in a different way than most but I think you'll get something out of this too. What? I don't know since I'm still trying to figure it out too but here:
The first dream I was a little girl, telling him, verbatim, "Daddy daddy look now I'm a Peace Corps volunteer! I run marathons and graduated college! It was a great day." I remember him saying, repeatedly, "That's good Gioconda, that's very good." He was smiling the whole dream picking me up and throwing me up in the air. Everything was playful.
The second dream, we were sitting on his bed at our old house and I was still a little girl. I was crying badly saying, "I miss saying 'Daddy'." I also made a fuss about forgetting what he smelled like and beginning to forget his laugh and he just held me VERY tight. I woke up in the middle night with this one.
And last night, we were together, I don't remember where, I looked like I do now, and in the dream I was so happy just to be with him in his presence. He again held me tight - my dad was very strong and his hugs would probably hurt anyone else but I loved how hard he squeezed. I told him,, "I love you daddy," and he said, "I love you too, shicoocutz." Butchered that word but it's supposed to be "monkey" in Hungarian - what he'd always call me.
As this year has been full of changes and in my heart, I am deeply confused sometimes, I can't help but think my dad is helping me go through a sort of catharsis. He knows I love seeing him in my dreams and it rarely happens. He's been in my dreams only a handful of times in life and it's seriously the best thing in the world. You can't even begin to imagine how much happiness it gives me to be with him for a bit - no matter what form it happens in. As I turn to my dad as my guardian angel, I always wish I could talk to him once more for his life advice. I am always searching for his clues - it's this endless battle I have with myself that no, he's not here, but I keep listening anyways. With these dreams, I really, with all my heart, think he's trying to tell me not to worry about the future - day by day. There are things we cannot control and life is for enjoying so I shouldn't be afraid. My dad's with me. I believe in his spirit guiding me.
Merry Christmas to you too dad. Catharsis can be a Christmas present too, ya know? :-)
The first dream I was a little girl, telling him, verbatim, "Daddy daddy look now I'm a Peace Corps volunteer! I run marathons and graduated college! It was a great day." I remember him saying, repeatedly, "That's good Gioconda, that's very good." He was smiling the whole dream picking me up and throwing me up in the air. Everything was playful.
The second dream, we were sitting on his bed at our old house and I was still a little girl. I was crying badly saying, "I miss saying 'Daddy'." I also made a fuss about forgetting what he smelled like and beginning to forget his laugh and he just held me VERY tight. I woke up in the middle night with this one.
And last night, we were together, I don't remember where, I looked like I do now, and in the dream I was so happy just to be with him in his presence. He again held me tight - my dad was very strong and his hugs would probably hurt anyone else but I loved how hard he squeezed. I told him,, "I love you daddy," and he said, "I love you too, shicoocutz." Butchered that word but it's supposed to be "monkey" in Hungarian - what he'd always call me.
As this year has been full of changes and in my heart, I am deeply confused sometimes, I can't help but think my dad is helping me go through a sort of catharsis. He knows I love seeing him in my dreams and it rarely happens. He's been in my dreams only a handful of times in life and it's seriously the best thing in the world. You can't even begin to imagine how much happiness it gives me to be with him for a bit - no matter what form it happens in. As I turn to my dad as my guardian angel, I always wish I could talk to him once more for his life advice. I am always searching for his clues - it's this endless battle I have with myself that no, he's not here, but I keep listening anyways. With these dreams, I really, with all my heart, think he's trying to tell me not to worry about the future - day by day. There are things we cannot control and life is for enjoying so I shouldn't be afraid. My dad's with me. I believe in his spirit guiding me.
Merry Christmas to you too dad. Catharsis can be a Christmas present too, ya know? :-)
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