This invaded me the other day...

Why am I such an asshole?! God! I am stubborn, bossy and Lord knows I can raise hell for the stupidest things. I am not just the average mess of a person you see walking down the street. I am exceptionally imperfect. Put in my place. Feeling small. People that are pretty darn close to being a good person 100% of the time, like Madre Teresa or our fav homeboy, Ghandi, my mom some days, make me feel bad, like I should strive to be totally centered and always generous. Namaste-ing my life away. You ever feel like that? Why can't I just act the "right way" and make things easy on other humans around me? WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?!?!?! I try to learn, do all the right things to put myself on that Ghandi express and maybe one day I'll become ever-so "learned." News flash, idiot. There are certain things you can't control, like the god damn course of life. No one will ever achieve 100% goodness, Gioconda. NEVER. That is Jesus' job. You are made with certain characteristics for a reason. Trust in the mystery. Clarification - I am NOT saying stop trying to be a good person. I am saying, just RELAX. Day by day and don't be so hard on yourself if you mess up! No forcing it. Grain of salt. Good sense of humor. Laugh a LOT with kids actually, adults aren't innocent enough. This lifelong human struggle to do the best you can is all it takes. Whatever you are doing this very second, if you are trying your best, you're good. Mission accomplished. Even if it's just looking at your stupid smartphone. You scroll down that Facebook news feed! Main point - keep going. Keep making mistakes, day in and day out. I got mad today because my host family ate some of my cheese. What irrationalities did you get mad at? Whoo hoo! We are loveable fools. Cause that chaos and most importantly, ACCEPT THE CHAOS that is YOU. I think that sort of acceptance is true "inner peace." My name is Gioconda and I am HUMAN. What a ride.