Background info: it is rare to find a woman that knows how
to drive here in Tumbes where I am serving for Peace Corps...aka the path I go
running on (the only path because it is the safest) is full of men in their
cars, motorcycles, bikes or donkey's passing by me when I jog.
Not a lot of people know this but Peruvian men from the
campo almost killed running for me. That's why I ran the half-marathon when I
was home this past Christmas. Get my running fill. I can't have a normal
running schedule here because of X amount of reasons - the main one being I am
constantly sick, trying to catch up on my fluids, then add this hot sun into
the mix. It's just not smart to run long distances under my circumstances.
It's sad too because running is my time to unwind, connect
with nature, just be outside in the sun for a couple hours, take deep breathes
of that fresh air smell I LOVE, look around for crying out loud, listen to a
good song or the melody of the wind and birds together. I like to take care of
my body, mind and soul.
Hate to say it to all my friends that I ran with in college
and helped run their first half or full marathon but my sneakers got dusty
here. I felt violated every time I ran. Men passing me by on the road would
just look at me like a piece of meat. Hooting and hollering inappropriate
words. I don't get it! Some girls look graceful and dainty when they run but I sure
as hell know I wasn't given that poise. In fact, and I'm totally okay with
saying this without feeling like I am putting myself down, because I know I can
clean up nicely but I LOOK LIKE THE BIGGEST MESS WHEN I EXERCISE. My face gets
super red, it's not like I'm this skinny model body type either. Calves for
days and no figure. I'm just an upright rectangle. Good ol' broad shoulders
that allow me to be a strong swimmer. God I looked like beached whale after
swim practice though. Sounds so sexy, right? When I jog, I don't even wear
provocative clothes, although I used to wear spandex so I don't chafe, but
those quickly got thrown in the box of things I don't need anymore. Chafing
> feeling like you're a stripper on a pole. What I do use are old gym shirts
with pit stains to shut the men up. You could say I actively tried to look
gross to prevent the cat calls because coming from our American culture, they
just don't feel good. Women here are "used to it" and don't think
twice about it, but for a woman who got taught to never let a man look at her
like a piece of ass, an array of strange emotions arise.
I'll tell you the cycle of my running journey here in Peru:
1) Run like I do in the states, wave, be happy, wear my
beloved spandex
2) Get infuriated, never wear spandex ever again, throw the
middle finger up every so often when exceptionally nasty things are said about
my back side
3) Get even MORE infuriated, think of solution
3) Look as gross as possible, put your hair in the most
messy bun with NO VOLUME...the ladies will understand this sacrifice
4) Try ever so hard to understand the mashismo culture, even
forced myself to wave to some cars, motos or donkey riders to see if I was
seeing this all wrong, maybe that's their way of being friendly, do my best to
be a good Peace Corps volunteer/ambassador of the United States at the expense
of my innocence
5) Obviously that bullshit didn't work!!!! Because no matter
what, man should be a gentleman and treat women as ladies. Man should have
learned self-discipline like women have. What? You think we don't have a sex
drive either?
6) INDIFFERENCE
7) Let me tell you what JUST happened. I am standing at this
bridge overlooking the river trying to have some peace and quite and a man just
SLOWED DOWN ON HIS MOTO JUST LOOKING RIGHT AT MY BEHIND WITHOUT ANY GOD DAMN
SHAME. He doesn't get to me as much though because I just shot him a "fuck
off" look and, first and foremost, now I am mentally strong enough to
control my fist's clenching reflex.
The hard truth is that you have to be a little bitchier and
know better than to let perverse men win. The aggressiveness to make a woman
know she looks good is okay TO AN EXTENT. The blatant ignorance is NOT.
I definitely feel violated when I run, ashamed of my body,
like I want to hide and I don't want to give any man my trust knowing what mom
said growing up was kind of true. "All men think about is sex
Gioconda." Raw country = raw displays of affection.
It's not women's fault God made us all beautiful in our way.
We shouldn't feel like we are on display for men either. Like that's all women
are good for. This has definitely been the hardest part of getting used to the
culture here - most men think you're useless, a vagina that makes babies and
arms to sweep those floors nice and shiny! Not to mention, your professional
efforts are a joke. Not as blatant nowadays but there is still this unsaid
sense of "women cook, clean and take care of the babies," and if they
teach, practice medicine, or pursue math, they won't be as good as someone with
a charging penis.
In a Latin country, I can sympathize with the stronger
gender roles, mashismo, "manly aggressiveness," but I cannot
empathize.
I am woman. I am so many things, but I am NOT your piece of
ass. As I continue these last 10 months of service here in Peru I will do my
best to empower the mom's I work with. Baby steps are all I can do
realistically because this country has long strides to make.
A woman is more than emotions, curves, and gentleness. She
is your mother. She is your sister, grandma, what-have-you. Respect is in
order. One day Peru will get there, I know it. I won't let them take away my
hope for a better tomorrow. That means they won, but not with this particular
woman. Also important to say - this obviously isn't directed at ALL Peruvian
men of course. There are good men all over the world. Some particularly more
charismatic, enchanting and warm - "gentlemen," and one day I hope I
share my life with an "other half." I know the gentleman my father
talked about exists. "He will treat all things, little or big, with
respect Gioconda." I just know little girls here are affected by the
behavior of men more than I am, because I will leave here. This isn't home for
me. For those who do call Peru home though, a big change is in order. I'm
hoping it starts with baby steps.
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| My site is to the right of the river |
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