Have Hope

You’re here and all everybody wants from you is SOMETHING. They always want SOMETHING. I came as a volunteer to give an impoverished community everything I’ve got but some days I am worn down and don’t want to give because most of the time, things don’t go your way. You’re constantly faced with a battle. I often feel stripped, as if there’s nothing left inside of me to give. This happens in the classroom setting specifically. I’m here for these mothers and children and truly want to help someone – ANYONE - but when it comes down to your mental health, where is the line between giving ALL YOU HAVE and giving TOO MUCH? Is it possible to give all you have? Do we all have that Mother Teresa gene, do some people’s go dormant? Am I capable of opening my heart to that extent? Am I wise enough to do it without feeling like people will just take everything out of me and never refill my spirit back? Is it selfish to care about people giving me something in return for what I give them? How much do I trust in humanity anyways?

For example, after a class on preventing teenage pregnancy, some of the kids obviously didn’t care and thought it was some sort of joke and hey – these are teenagers, of course they’re going to be little shits sometimes. Lord knows I was at that age. During class I found myself suppressing the thought, “hey I have no idea who you are but I came from far away to help you. I made some serious sacrifices with my family and friends to be here – to motivate you just an inch more to succeed, and I know it’s not much, but every little bit makes a difference in the environment you’ve grown up in, and you’re going to disrespect me? I should just walk out and not care if you fail in life. Why did I even care in the first place? How naïve was I to think I can actually change a life?” The fact of the matter is to change a life is extremely hard. You don’t do it by the millions, that’s for sure; you do it one person at a time. But how does someone shelve these thoughts and keep believing? What is in our human nature that gives us hope? I’d think it’s every day acts of kindness. I’m sure there are plenty opinions for that question.

 
Whatever it is that fuels me with hope, I need to figure it out because it’s proving a source of tremendous strength for me.