I cried the hardest I've ever cried since being here on mother's day. God did I just let it out...
Not to be a debbie downer, but this was a huge moment. "All a part of growing up" I guess.
I thankfully got to skype with my mom that day who told me to keep being strong of course and just loved me through my hysterics. It was one of those cries that I couldn't control, my lips quivering no matter how hard I tried to hide it on our crappy Skype connection. My mom caught me just LOSING IT and I felt so bad showing her this on her special day. I wanted to make her laugh, her to be happy. What really got me through - I felt so bad not being there with my mom, who deserves the best from me. She was off to church to see the rest of the children with their mom's and I didn't want her to get sad that her child is so far away. I also feel like she's there for me so much more than I can be for her. It killed me. Her going on and on about how I need to realize she loves me no matter what - that this skype date is enough for her, as I'm desperately trying to put a smile on my face to make this be remembered as a joyous conversation, yet the tears just kept falling. And you know what? Gotta let them fall.
The sacrifices I have made are tremendous but I have such great family and friends that understand I love them with all my heart, even if we don't see each other for 2 years. Even if I can't be there for them like I'd like to, they actually understand. I am the one that needs to come to terms with this. You all have been beyond amazing and supportive. I don't know how you do it. Kudos. I clearly need to get my shit together.
When I got back to my small pueblito on Día de Madre, the day competely turned around. Día de Madre is probably the second most important holiday right underneath Christmas here in Peru. I have so much respect for a country that values their mothers this much. Anyways, I had been invited to spend the day with one of my favorite ladies, her mom and family. Maria Antonietta screamed as I walked up the hill to their house and quickly gave me the hug I needed after feeling like the world's worst daughter. Her mom quickly took my hand, they grabbed a chair so quickly and expressed how happy they were that I came. They asked about how my mom is doing as they met her a couple of months ago when my mom visited and I told them what happened in the morning. They listened, consoled and brought me a cup to drink some beer with them. I hadn't drank in site because I want the people to view me as "professional", but that day, it was okay to have that kind of fun. I was with people I trusted and loved. So, cheers! Salud! Vamos!
It was so much fun dancing on the top of this hill where Señora Chava's (Antonietta's mom) house sits. It overlooks the river and the farmlands of mango trees and you could see platanos and the rolling hills of the "bosque seco" (dry forest) for miles. I loved letting loose and enjoying Antonietta's family's company. Being spun around by this super short, super smiley old lady just did the trick. I was feeling I could be a good daughter to at least ONE MOM.
My mom told me to ask those ladies I'd be spending the day with what the hardest thing they've ever had to endure was and "como ellas suportaron la cosa" (how they endured the thing). Maybe I'd find some answers for my own struggles there. Senora Chava's answer was the exact same as Antonietta's. Having kids. How they got through? God.
Through God, all things are possible. Def riding that energy to get me through the days I miss family and friends. After all, they all pretty much think it's the coolest thing I'm here in Peru so gotta make sure I take advantage of the days I'm being spun around dancing to Latin musica on hills with good people. These moments with the people of Peru are once in a lifetime. I'm sure God will continue to remind me of that!
Not to be a debbie downer, but this was a huge moment. "All a part of growing up" I guess.
I thankfully got to skype with my mom that day who told me to keep being strong of course and just loved me through my hysterics. It was one of those cries that I couldn't control, my lips quivering no matter how hard I tried to hide it on our crappy Skype connection. My mom caught me just LOSING IT and I felt so bad showing her this on her special day. I wanted to make her laugh, her to be happy. What really got me through - I felt so bad not being there with my mom, who deserves the best from me. She was off to church to see the rest of the children with their mom's and I didn't want her to get sad that her child is so far away. I also feel like she's there for me so much more than I can be for her. It killed me. Her going on and on about how I need to realize she loves me no matter what - that this skype date is enough for her, as I'm desperately trying to put a smile on my face to make this be remembered as a joyous conversation, yet the tears just kept falling. And you know what? Gotta let them fall.
The sacrifices I have made are tremendous but I have such great family and friends that understand I love them with all my heart, even if we don't see each other for 2 years. Even if I can't be there for them like I'd like to, they actually understand. I am the one that needs to come to terms with this. You all have been beyond amazing and supportive. I don't know how you do it. Kudos. I clearly need to get my shit together.
When I got back to my small pueblito on Día de Madre, the day competely turned around. Día de Madre is probably the second most important holiday right underneath Christmas here in Peru. I have so much respect for a country that values their mothers this much. Anyways, I had been invited to spend the day with one of my favorite ladies, her mom and family. Maria Antonietta screamed as I walked up the hill to their house and quickly gave me the hug I needed after feeling like the world's worst daughter. Her mom quickly took my hand, they grabbed a chair so quickly and expressed how happy they were that I came. They asked about how my mom is doing as they met her a couple of months ago when my mom visited and I told them what happened in the morning. They listened, consoled and brought me a cup to drink some beer with them. I hadn't drank in site because I want the people to view me as "professional", but that day, it was okay to have that kind of fun. I was with people I trusted and loved. So, cheers! Salud! Vamos!
It was so much fun dancing on the top of this hill where Señora Chava's (Antonietta's mom) house sits. It overlooks the river and the farmlands of mango trees and you could see platanos and the rolling hills of the "bosque seco" (dry forest) for miles. I loved letting loose and enjoying Antonietta's family's company. Being spun around by this super short, super smiley old lady just did the trick. I was feeling I could be a good daughter to at least ONE MOM.
My mom told me to ask those ladies I'd be spending the day with what the hardest thing they've ever had to endure was and "como ellas suportaron la cosa" (how they endured the thing). Maybe I'd find some answers for my own struggles there. Senora Chava's answer was the exact same as Antonietta's. Having kids. How they got through? God.
Through God, all things are possible. Def riding that energy to get me through the days I miss family and friends. After all, they all pretty much think it's the coolest thing I'm here in Peru so gotta make sure I take advantage of the days I'm being spun around dancing to Latin musica on hills with good people. These moments with the people of Peru are once in a lifetime. I'm sure God will continue to remind me of that!
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