Journey's for days: I think I'll laugh like a child but walk like an adult.

There are moments in life you feel you're in the exact place you're supposed to be. Things feel right. The stars might ACTUALLY be aligning. You don't know where you're going but you know you're on your way...

I am growing up and going through some really tough things out here and I'm still so happy. It baffles me. Am I really that positive of a person? How am I going through so much pain yet still happy I came? Happy to go through the growing pains of life.

I think it's because the way I chose to "grow up" is through doing a service commitment like Peace Corps. It's a very special way to learn about the world and refine your lense.

The main things I'm learning are as follows:

1) Patience.

2) You can't help every single person but if you get to one person, it's enough.

3) The world does not revolve around me and my goals. There is so much more to life than "me." I am a part of a bigger picture. Sentences that start with "I" is not a way of life.

4) I will not understand the bigger picture somedays but THAT'S OKAY.

5) I accept that life is a mystery. I will never solve it. However, I WILL trust it. I just need to keep waking up and doing what makes me feel alive.

6) I will fail over and over again in life and that's ALSO okay.

7) If I am breathing and have the strength to laugh, I should not be complaining.

8) Life is way more simple than everyone seems to make it. We get lost in everyday routine and pressure from society, etc. Life doesn't have to be that complicated. It's meant to be good, so act accordingly.

9) If I try my very best, I deserve to be satisfied with the outcome because that's all I could do. I am not God. I will never be perfect. It's actually better that I'm flawed as HELL. makes life interesting!

Growing up is hard and it has to be done BUT not in every sense. I will laugh like a child forever - that will never change - but I will walk like an adult.

Being surrounded by these doctors from the U.S. navy and army this past week was eye opening. They came to a third world country to give care to Peruvians who couldn't afford it. There were a lot of frustrations and it didn't end up being as productive as planned due to low resources, failures in organization and not enough doctors from Peru coming to help out. I was just doing the translating but this environment was amazing nonetheless for me. Helped me take a couple more steps towards being a better person, ya know?

Just a few good experiences for me:

I got to be a fly on the wall in the operating room translating for American surgeons to Peruvian surgeons during an operation that took place in a classroom, got to watch family medicine being done by one of the best doctors I've ever seen in action, learning how to touch a patient, what to ask for, what to look for, helping a gynocologist and learning how to read an ultrasound, learning about the eye translating for the optomologist. Meeting some incredibly grateful people...true appreciation is hard to come by these days. The doctors and med students would treat us to dinners every night and they were such a warm group of people to be around. I appreciated every one of their spirits crossing pathes with mine. We came from two totally different worlds yet we became a great team, a little family. Laughing so hard at the dinner table, it has easily been one of the best weeks while I've been in Peru.

I was constantly commending the doctors for their commitment and hard work. I just don't know how they do it, but they would ALWAYS intensely reverse the compliment saying us volunteers in the Peace Corps are the strong ones. It makes me realize we forget that we really do go through some absolutely insane shit that very few people experience. Isolation, being deathly sick all by yourself, work frustrations on a whole other level than you can imagine, having the MOST AWKWARD MOMENTS (actually after 10 months living in a developing country there is no such thing as "awkward" for me anymore, anything goes now, ha!) barely ever getting to talk to our families and friends (for those of us who aren't lucky enough to get Internet signal for a USB modom in their site), some of us not seeing our families for the whole two years. I will go a year and 3 months without seeing my brother. You think that makes me happy? Things like that make me question my decision to be here all the time because being here makes me intensely cherish my family and friends more. Before coming I was a person that liked to challenge myself and live life in an extreme manner, really suck it dry, but I got a little desensitized being here. I got used to it. The craziness doesn't surprise me anymore. I don't realize it. But it took a bunch of army doc's to remind me how much I'm growing up and that what I'm doing here is a good thing. One of my favorite med students in the group said I'm clearly "ballsy." A couple doc's said they could never do what we do. Another doctor I look up to and want to be like one day (Tress!!!) said it's the most important thing to do in your 20s to take a couple years to really grow up the right way by doing something like Peace Corps because some people never "grow up."

I'm glad I made the decision and hope to keep growing and going through hard things that only make me a better person in the end. I see the light at the end of the tunnel for all the hard life lessons up ahead. Ready to face them, ready to stand tall, ready for the tears, and most importantly, ready to smile.